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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Scenes With My Toddler

Anders is 2 years 9-11 months in these stories.

SCENE 1, AUG 7
[We are at a hotel in Nicaragua.]

Mama: There's some leftover steak from last night if you want some.
Anders: No. I just want juice. My body says it needs all the juice in the lobby.

SCENE 2, AUG 28
Anders sees football game on screen at restaurant. Says: "They're having a running party right there!"

SCENE 3, SEPT 2
Anders (to Mama): Give me water truck.
[Mama is confused. Anders appears to be pointing at the fire truck but he definitely knows it is called a fire truck.]
Mama (handing him the fire truck): You mean the fire truck?
Anders: No, water truck. Carries water? Oh! Carries fire?

SCENE 4, SEPT 16
Mama: Anders, next month you are going to turn 3. And that means that you will be old enough to take classes if you want to. Are there any classes you want to take, like in swimming or dancing or karate?
Anders: I want take a class in airplanes.
Mama: Oh. What do you want to learn about airplanes? Do you want to build them or fly them or look at them?
Anders: I want to fly them. Real airplanes. Not toy airplanes. Real ones. Yeah, that's my class. That's the class for me.

SCENE 5, SEPT 19
Anders: I have to pee!
[Anders runs to his little toilet and sits down. He is wearing only boxers but does not pull them down.]
Joe: Anders, don't you need to pull your boxers down?
Anders: No, it goes right through.
Joe: You are right... but then your boxers will get so dirty!
Anders: They're already dirty. See, I got ice cream all over them.
Joe: You are right... but...

SCENE 6, SEPT 26
[Anders picks a mushroom out of his scrambled eggs.]
Anders: This a worm.
Mama: Oh?
Anders: I looooove worms.
[Anders pops the mushroom into his mouth and then several more.]
Anders: Soooo yummy. Looooove worms. Thank you, Mama, making me worms.

SCENE 7, OCT 5
Anders: Papa, look at all my ouchies! I have one on my knee and one here on my foot and one here on my toe. My body has a looooot of work to do!

SCENE 8, OCT 5
Mama: Anders, we have two choices for this morning, either we can go to the farmers market or we can go to Erewhon. Which one do you want?
Anders: Nooooo. Those aren't my choices. My choice is to stay home.
Mama: Oh. Hmmmmm. Well... I wanted to make a nice dinner tonight, and in order to do that I need to buy some food. I want you to be happy, but I also want to make a nice dinner. What should we do?
Anders: What you want, Mama? I love you want you be happy.
Mama: I.... want to go to the farmers market.
Anders: Okay. I'm ready in five minutes.

SCENE 9, OCT 10
[Papa has been very busy with a project at work for the last couple weeks, and Anders has seen very little of him.]
Papa: I'm going to leave for work early again tomorrow, Anders. Just one more week and then I will be done with this project, and we can spend more time together again.
Anders: You wanna go to work I might hit you! I hide your car keys you can't go!
Papa: Oh Anders, you feel so mad! Do you want to hit my hand?
[Anders makes a swing at Papa, misses his hand gets his wrist.]
Mama: Or do you want Papa to hold you? Sometimes when I am mad, what I really need is to cry and cry.
Anders begins to wail and runs to Mama.
Anders: I want Mama hold me!
Anders runs to Mama and buries his head in her lap.
Anders (while crying): I wanna hit him!
[Mama hugs Anders while he repeats this a few more times.]
Mama: You miss Papa.
[Anders cries a little more, then the feeling has passed and Anders raises his head with a smile.]
Anders: I wanna eat Papa cause I love him and I wanna be my friend!
[Anders runs to Papa.]
Anders: I'm gunna eat you!!!
Papa: Ahhhhhh!
Papa pretends to run away.

SCENE 10, OCT 16
Mama: I'm so excited for your birthday coming up!
Anders: I want to have a digging party for my birthday.
Mama: That sounds great. We could go to Home Depot and buy some extra sand, so we can all dig.
Anders: Lowe's has sand.
Mama: Yeah, we could go to Home Depot or Lowe's.
Anders: No, go to the brick store. They have looooots of sand.
Mama: What's the brick store?
Anders: I go there with Papa buy bricks.
Mama: And it's not Home Depot?
Anders: No. It's on Ventura Boulevard.
Mama: And they sell sand?
Anders: Yeah, they have big bags. Suuuuuper cheap.
[Mama goes to find Papa to verify this story.]
Mama: Anders says you guys went to a brick store that sells bags of sand?
Papa: Yeah, Lowes?
Mama: Oh.
Mama: Do they sell sand?
Papa: Yes.
Mama: Is it cheap?
Papa: I think so.
Mama: Huh.
[Mama returns to Anders.]
Mama: Anders is Lowes the brick store and I just wasn't listening?
Anders: Mama, you have vaginas?
Mama: Oh, I just wanted to make sure--
Anders: Excuse me, Mama, I'm talking. You have vaginas?

SCENE 11, OCT 18
[Anders and Mama work in the back yard. Anders digs holes and Mama picks up leaves.]
Anders: Thanks for doing all that haaaaard work, Mama. Here, let me pay you.
[Anders reaches into his pocket and pulls out... a real five dollar bill, which he hands to Mama.]
Mama: Um... Thank you.
Anders: When I was a kid, I worked reeeeeally hard at my job made a looooot of money. In Oxnard. I built Kendra a house.
Mama: Ahhhhh... So Anders, I noticed that you gave me real money, and I am wondering where you got it from?
Anders: From your purse.
Mama: Hmmm... I don't want you to take money from my purse.
Anders: I'll give it back when I'm done. Oh look, there's Joe, I need to pay him too!

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