When Henrik was around 2 years and 3 months I noticed he could pull his pants down on his own. I told him that soon, when he was able to pull his pants back up as well, he would be ready to use the toilet. I bought him a little toilet to play with. He peed in it from time to time for the next few months. He spent a lot of time carrying it around and trying to figure out how to sit on it.
At around 2 years and 4 months he could pull his pants down and back up. So I bought him a little stool and a little seat that went on top of the big toilet. I told him he could use that or his little toilet. He loved both. He spent about a week sitting on the little seat on the big toilet every day trying to poop. I told him each time that one should never have to try to poop (he was straining so hard!) Our bodies decide when and then make it happen.
Henrik really hated having his butt wiped starting at around age 2. I told him many times that when he pooped in the toilet instead of in his diaper there would be less wiping. I guess this was very motivating for Henrik because around 2 years and 5 months he started pooping in the toilet. He was still wearing pull up diapers, still peeing in those diapers, just refusing to poop in them anymore. He does not tell me when he has to poop. He goes into the bathroom on his own, sets up his little stool and seat, pulls his diaper down and sits on the toilet. When he is done he calls for me and I help him wipe.
About a week after Henrik started pooping only in the toilet, I bought him boxers and asked him if he wanted to wear those instead of diapers. I told him that he would have to pee in the toilet too as he could not pee in boxers. He was super excited to wear the boxers and said he could pee in the toilet. And he did. He had one accident. ONE.
It has been two weeks, and he has had no more accidents, even on trips to the store!
I will keep you posted though since I know how these things wax and wane.
I really don't think I did much here. Henrik potty trained himself.
PREPARATION
Unlike Anders, Henrik did not get months to run around in a yard naked, but apparently that was not necessary for him.
Also unlike Anders, Henrik wore disposable diapers his entire life. Another thing that turned out to be unnecessary.
Tom and I always allowed Henrik into the bathroom with us to see what we were doing in there. Anders did not allow Henrik into the bathroom with him.
Henrik swims frequently and has since birth. Whenever he is in swimming shorts I tell him he can't pee or poop in those, so he has had experience in "not peeing in this" since birth.
I remember you mentioning Elimination Communication when you had Anders, and you considering it with your next child. Did you consider this with Henrik, and decided to choose solely diaper him? I am curious.. Especially since I was doing it with my son up until he was about six months old, and then he got upset and very resistant so I gave up on it.
ReplyDeleteWe’ve had a long, bumpy road with potty training. Right before she turned two, she was interested. I bought her special tiny underwear and put her in them. I don’t think I was ready. When she (predictably) peed on the floor I gave too big of a reaction. I didn’t yell at her, but I was too surprised/reactive. I was also frustrated that she seemed to have no awareness at all of what she was doing.
ReplyDeleteI decided she was too young, and we went back to diapers. A few months later she wanted to sit on her little potty after a bath and she pooped! Then she didn’t want to sit on it again. (She was 2 1/2 ). Every few weeks I would ask her if she wanted to wear underwear and sit on the potty and the answer was always “no”.
By the time she was 3, Covid had just started, everything was closed and she was picking up on all the stress around us. None of us were ready to start anything new. She was not interested at all, (and I didn’t push it because we weren’t going anywhere because of Covid. When we brought her baby sister home from the hospital, she really wanted underwear. She did great for a day or two, but had a few accidents and wanted to go back to diapers (she really hated the feeling of peeing on herself). I think I could have helped her work through this and stay in diapers, but I had no extra emotional energy to give, so we went back to diapers.
As we approached her 4th birthday I was feeling better and wanting to go places with her again. I knew that she wanted to wear underwear but it also felt really scary. So I gave her a bit of a push.
ReplyDeleteThe week before her birthday I said “R, I know you like your underwear and you probably want to wear it but it feels overwhelming. Sometimes, you just have to keep trying something for ten days and then it feels easier. Let’s wear underwear every day for ten days and then re-asses. If after that time you still really don’t want to wear it, we can talk about going back to diapers.”
She said “no!” so I said “okay, let’s talk about it tomorrow”. The next day I gave her the same speech and added “shall we start tomorrow or the next day” and she said “the next day”.
So on the day, I said “today is underwear day” and we put her underwear on. We did that every day for ten days (and she improved at using the bathroom). At the end of the ten days she wanted to keep going.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, though, after the ten days, she wouldn’t want to use the bathroom even when she needed to. We decided to have a very conscious use of a ‘bribe’ (we used chocolate peanuts). I explained to R “Sometimes, there is something that I know would be beneficial for me to do and I want to do it, but it is difficult and feels a bit scary. In those times it can help to make it more pleasant, such as when I take my vitamins (cod liver oil) and I drink kombucha with it to make the taste nicer. Daddy bought these chocolate-covered peanuts. If you like, you could have one after you use the bathroom. That might make using the bathroom a little easier for you.”
She liked that idea and asked for a peanut. I gave her one. Over the next few days I tried very hard not to say “use the bathroom and you can have a peanut” when I wanted her to go or could see she needed to go. At first I just offered one “looks like you need to use the bathroom but you are busy playing. How about you take a really quick bathroom break, have a chocolate peanut, and then go back to playing”.
Sometimes she would remember and ask me. I also sometimes just served some with a meal or snack, unconnected to using the bathroom. It was interesting to me that she could not be bribed with them. If she really didn’t want to go, the peanuts had no sway. I was relieved that they weren’t functioning as a bribe, psychologically.
After the first bag of peanuts was gone, I bought another. We went through it very slowly (she didn’t seem to need them as often). We haven’t used them in months. So, for us, it took until she was 4 and it took some encouragement. We’ll see how it goes with her sister. I will definitely temper my reaction to pee this time around. :-)